Living with Anxiety!

|By- Swarali Bodas|

Anxiety. Anxiousness. By hearing these words there is an automatic churn in your stomach. At least the people who have anxiety, will agree. It is not just a discomfort in your body. It is not just about your heart pounding at a rigorous rate. It is very much about the fact that the person feels everything is slipping away from his hands but the world is at a stop. If, I have to define or say what exactly is anxiety, I'll say it's a feeling of chaos, panic totally taking over you whereas in reality there no such reason to be. Having anxiety doesn't mean you're weak, it surely doesn't mean you're mental or crazy. It just means, there's a lot of inner chaos within you, that should go away for you to live a peaceful life.

Anxiety and fear are somewhat similar. The main difference between them is that fear is of a particular thing. Example: Fear of heights, Fear of spiders, Fear of closed spaces. Whereas anxiety is not about a particular reason. You are anxious with or without any reason, at any circumstance.

Everyone has experienced anxiety at some point in their lives. It may be while delivering a speech or order food at restaurants. So normal anxiety is what everyone has experienced at some point in their life. Anxiety becomes a major concern when it happens every day and gives you physical ailments like palpitations and vomiting, etc. That is not normal and you must seek help from a professional.

Image courtesy: countryliving.com

I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder when I was 17 years old. For almost two months I used to wake up in the middle of the night with my tshirt soaked in sweat and my heart pounding. I didn't tell that to anyone at that time. As every 17 year old kid thinks, the first thing I did was Google what was happening to me. It came: 'symptoms of anxiety attacks'. I had very less, almost no idea what exactly anxiety was let alone know what anxiety attacks were! I googled that too and found out that whatever was happening to me, these feelings, this worry, this anxiousness, this churn in my stomach at any time of the day is called ANXIETY.

I got to know that it is a mental ailment. And that this is the sole reason I won't tell my parents. I thought they would not understand or they'll think their daughter has gone mad. These were the only thoughts I had while even thinking about telling my parents. But clearly, I was wrong.

After two months, I had enough of this torture. I decided to tell my Best Friend. He literally forced me to tell my mother and I told her. I expected her to not understand me at all and just label me a 'crazy teenager' and the thought of her calling a psychologist didn't even cross my mind. But, to my wonder, my mom was extremely supportive. Even she didn't know what anxiety was when I told her 'I had anxiety' but she was patient enough to hear me out and understand what exactly I was going through. The next thing she did was call up the mental health institute near my house and set up an appointment with a psychologist. I went to her and talked for hours. She initially put me on medicines and told me to do yoga.

It's been two years now and the frequency of my attacks have been reduced. This was possible secondarily because of immense support from parents, psychologist, medicines and yoga, But, primarily it is possible because I finally talked about it to someone. That is the first step to overcome any mental illness- TALKING. It helps a lot!

There are some myths regarding ANXIETY that I would like to break!

· Anxiety cannot happen at such young age!

This is so condescending. Just like a physical injury can happen at any age, even anxiety can! There's no age limit to mental health problems..!!

· Stuff like anxiety happens to shy, introverted people.

I beg to differ completely!! I have been a bold, extroverted and a talkative kid all my life and still used to be awake at nights because of anxiety. I used to attend college festivals with my friends, enjoy the fullest, come home and have sleepless nights because of anxiety.

· Anxiety happens only if you are alone or have no one to talk to.

Again, untrue. Anxiety attack can come anytime. In your room at 10 pm after dinner or even in a packed Mumbai local at peak hours. I've experienced anxiety in college canteens while enjoying with my friends.

· It's not a real problem, it's just a phase.

IT IS NOT JUST A PHASE. It's funny how when you get jaundice or fracture no one tells us 'its just a phase' NO. They take you to a doctor and do necessary treatment. Same should be done with mental health illness!

I had written a poem about Anxiety a year ago.

Anxiety-

Sticks and stones may break my bones

But these thoughts are killing me inside..

Third degree won't kill me

But my anxiety might.

Constant nervousness constant trembles

It's like all my fears have sadistically assembled..

To cut my wings so that I cannot fly in my happy sky

And throw me in a corner after giving me a reason of fifty to cry.

Deep breaths and some care might help you

But there are hundreds of then who has no damn clue..

So it is a serious issue, attacks of anxiety

Not something to be taken so lightly.

-Swarali Prashant Bodas

Mental ailments aren't given as much importance as physical ailments because of the stigma around it! I think it's time we should normalize empathy towards Mental health problems.

The recent demise of Bollywood actor Sushant Singh Rajput because of depression is a wake up call for every individual that mental health shatters you from within to an extreme point and that anxiety and depression can happen to everyone irrespective of stardom or financial status.

The first step to overcome any mental health is to talk about it. For that, one should work towards erasing the stigma regarding mental health in your own house! And then finally in the society at large. The mistake that I did was to not tell anyone and keep it to myself for two whole months almost made me crazy! I used to get irritated a lot, didn't share much. But the moment I started talking about it, it created as though a ripple effect. One after the other things seemed to go in the right way. Me telling my parents lead to me finally seeking professional help and that has helped me a lot controlling my anxiety now. My psychologist told me that this is pretty normal and that you are not alone! These words actually helped me a lot. In the past few years I've had friends battling depression and anxiety and I've been for them crib or rant because that is how they cope with their mental illness! Talking about your mental health problem is the first step to overcoming it!

So, to sum it up, anxiety or any other mental health issue gives you a lot of emotional distress. You might feel lonely or isolated from everyone. But that is not the case. You are definitely not alone. There is no shame in asking for help to your loved ones and/or a professional. And others, if someone reaches out to you please hear them out, it takes immense courage to even talk about it. Reach out your friends and colleagues. And remember, You are not alone.