How Are Men Conditioned To Be Anti-Feminists In Life?
|By- Dhruv Chhabra|
“For too long, women have not been heard or believed if they dared to speak their truth to the power of those men, but their time is up. “
- Oprah Winfrey
Everyone has always talked about the fact that how patriarchy has been an evil in every society around the world for women. Feminism is a concept that became aware to many in the recent years but it has been misconstrued on social media as a concept that ‘hates men’. But today, we will not talk about Feminism. We will talk about Patriarchy. The two concepts are interrelated but their consequences are very different.
Patriarchy means a concept where men are considered as superiors and women are almost excluded from the society. From the definition, we understand that patriarchy is bad for women, very bad. But can patriarchy also affect men? Let us understand in detail.
When a young boy is told that “Ladki se haar gaya, kaisa ladka hai tu?”, he thinks that a girl is inferior or weak to him and he isn’t supposed to lose to a girl. That is where it begins, the effects of patriarchy on men. When a boy is hurt and he cries, he is told “Ladkiyo jaise kyu ro raha hai?”, makes him believe that only girls are supposed to cry. When he goes to the kitchen and cooks something, he is told “Ladke kitchen mei kaam nahi karte”, he believes he doesn’t belong here. These are all the things which we have heard, we have seen being told in a society around us. Boys and girls, this is patriarchy. Where boys are fed a perception of what they should be and how should they behave even when the times ask you to be vulnerable.
The concept of being a ‘macho-man’ and ‘the hero who saves women’ is toxic. If a boy is found dancing to a classical song, or he is found wearing pink colour, he is termed as ‘gay’. People use the word gay as an insult. Who decided that boys like blue and girls like pink? Do colours define gender? No, they don’t and they shouldn’t. Advertisements need to understand that saying ‘Men Will Be Men’ is not the right example to set. Men can change and they need to evolve. Bollywood heroes are the ones who save the women every time creates an image in the minds that every woman needs a man to feel safe. It is sad.
When films like Kabir Singh show that it is okay for a man to slap a woman if she doesn’t do what he wants her to do, domestic abuse and abusive relationships are normalized. Men are asked to not be vulnerable because that makes them weak. The reality is, vulnerability makes you human. It makes you feel better. The figures show that body image concerns are rising in men because they never look at a healthier man as a role model. Fitness is important but looking impeccable with sharp abs is not the parameter of being fit. On an estimate one in ten young men who go the gym in the UK, these body image concerns can result in a mental health condition known as muscle dysmorphia (also called as reverse anorexia).
Allow men to show their emotions, they are not heartless. Allow men to be human, allow them to be what they want. A man who works in the kitchen to help his partner or mother isn’t special, it needs to be a norm. Allow men to love whoever they want, it doesn’t make them less of a man. Allow a boy to play whichever sport he wants, because not playing cricket doesn’t make him less of man. Allow a boy to get a Barbie, because not playing with cars doesn’t mean he is 'girlie'. Allow them to live free, and let them breathe… because there is no definition to gender.
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